I was discussing this with a friend and we agreed upon something that's kind of profound to me.. I think it's kind of interesting so I'll try to explain our opinion.. and here's what me and my friend believe is true..
WE HAVE NO CONTROL OVER OUR HEARTS... THE HEART IS COMPLICATED...
Yes... Basically, I'm pretty sure that we never know EXACTLY how we feel.. there's a famous song called "More than words", talking about how feelings is undescribable.. we also can't control what we like.. A pickup-artist, Deangelo describes it as "Attraction is not a choice".. Basically, he says that when you're attracted to someone, there's nothing that you can do about it... (and of course, when someone else likes you, he/she can do nothing about it too..)
No, you don't choose to like someone, even when you think you actually made a decision and even when you can list the reasons why you like them... You just like someone because you're attracted to him/her.. For example, if a guy sees a hot blonde walking by, he doesn't go "Okay, this girl is 5 foot 6 inches, blonde, blue eyes, thin, and her skin is fair.. I think I'm gonna start liking her now".. NoOo, it doesn't work that way... He's already attracted to her within a fraction of a second..
For this reason, I'd say that some types of jealousy is justified, and thus, reasonable.. But HOW? In a relationship, if the guy/girl talks about how he/she doesn't like his/her significant other going out with someone else (usually these people call themselves "just friends"), there is a chance that it is not a TRUST issue.. It is not him/her not trusting the other party.. But instead, it's an act of not trusting what the HEART would feel.. and that, I think, is definitely reasonable..
When a boyfriend says to his girlfriend "You know, I think it's better if you could avoid going out alone with another guy even if he's just a friend of yours.." , there's a high probability that it might cause a chaos since the girl might feel that the guy is not trusting her (and trying to be controlling).. and so she yells "He just wants to be a friend laaaa..." ... But, you see, if the girl understands the fact that if she spends too much time talking to another guy, it ACTUALLY could cost her boyfriend a relationship..
Basically, I do believe that when we spend too much time with another person, we'll form so much new 'connections' with that person.. as time passes by, we'd slowly feel more 'connected' to them.. by the time when there's just overwhelmingly too much connection forming, mr. love uninvitedly comes by knocking the door.. without even knowing it, we now like this new person, and now there's nothing that we can do about it... if you're skeptical, think about the Malay proverb "Tak kenal maka tak cinta"...
But, don't get overjealous, either.. it's not a good thing to practice overjealousy... Some NORMAL jealousies are justifiable but this one is not.. It is purely based on insecurities and it is unhealthy for the relationship.. (as in, now it has NOT-TRUSTING-HIM/HER issues involved in it)... If there's no trust, things won't work.. So, I suggest not to get jealous 73 times a day since that's not good too..
Now, what's left not to trust? The only good thing I could think of is NOT TO TRUST our naive hearts... The heart will only feel something based upon our actions.. Therefore, since we can control our actions, it's best if we could avoid being TOO CLOSE to another person from the opposite gender while being in a relationship (well, only if you'd like to take good care of it, of course)...
Now, if you think about it, doesn't it make sense when doctors say, "Prevention is better than cure?" :)
1 comment:
betul la...
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